


Dear Cougar

by Eclectic_Goddess



Category: The Losers (Comic)
Genre: Grieving, Letters, Multi, personal canon references, post-comics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-06
Updated: 2014-04-06
Packaged: 2018-01-18 09:39:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1423726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eclectic_Goddess/pseuds/Eclectic_Goddess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen writes to Cougar.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dear Cougar

**Author's Note:**

> SPOILERS FOR ENTIRE COMIC SERIES
> 
> Written June, 2010. Previously posted on my Livejournal.

Dear Cougar,

I read somewhere that writing letters to people you lost helps the grieving process or whatever. Maybe I saw it on Dr. Phil. I don’t know. Anyhow, I’m kinda struggling here, and so I thought I’d give it a try.

You’re such an asshole. You and Clay both. If you were alive, I’d shoot you.

Jensen

 

~

 

Dear Cougar,

I realize that my last letter wasn’t that great. I suppose I’m still in the anger stage. At least after Afghanistan we had Max to go after. Right now I’ve got no one to be mad at but you.

I sure miss you guys. I didn’t realize how lonely I was before Clay made me part of the team. Now it’s just me. Pooch has Jolene and the girls. My sister offered to let me come stay with her and Sarah, but I just can’t. I was never good at settling down. That’s why I joined the Army in the first place.

Sometimes I wonder why you joined. I don’t know why I never asked. I never asked a lot of things.

Jensen

 

~

 

Dear Cougar,

Thought I saw you on the street the other night, watching me. It was dark and crowded, but I was sure it was you. You were looking right at me, and you were wearing your stupid hat. When I tried to catch up with you, there was no one there. I don’t know if it was my imagination, or a ghost, or you’re actually still alive somehow. The first two don’t bother me much, but the last…

I don’t know if I can do this.

Jensen

 

~

 

Dear Cougar,

I’m sorry I called your hat stupid. I loved that hat.

Jensen

 

~

 

Dear Cougar,

Got a new tattoo last night. Same as yours, right over my heart. It hurt like a bitch, but somehow that actually made me feel a little better.

Jensen

 

~

 

Dear Cougar,

I always wanted to go to Mexico with you. I bet you didn’t know that. Every time Clay gave us a few days off and you headed for Mexico, I wanted to ask to come along, but I never did. What did you do in Mexico, anyways? Did you visit family? Did you sit on the beach and drink beer? Why didn’t you ever ask me if I wanted to come?

I invited you to my sister’s enough times. I had to explain to Sarah that her Uncle Cougar was dead, by the way. She didn’t take it very well. Apparently, she thought that you guys were going to get married when she grew up. She yelled and cried and blamed me. Sis says she didn’t mean it, but I’m not so sure.

Heck, sometimes I blame me, too.

Jensen

 

~

 

Dear Cougar,

Sometimes I find myself talking when no one else is around and I realize that I’m not talking to myself. I’m talking to you. Only you’re not there.

Jensen

 

~

 

Dear Cougar,

I’m convinced that Aisha is still alive. It seems impossible, but that chick was Teflon, man. It wouldn’t surprise me at all to turn a corner tomorrow and find her there, waiting for me.

I always thought I wanted to kill her after what she did to Clay. Now I’m not so sure. Maybe I’d just buy her a beer.

Jensen

 

~

 

Dear Cougar,

Pooch and I met up today. One year later. Stegler turned up and offered us both jobs with some CIA ghost operative task force he’s putting together. We told him to fuck off.

But, really, I don’t know what to do with myself, man. I’m totally bored. I need some action.

I’ve got an old hacker friend who hooked up with this group of other criminals, and now they run around helping the helpless or some shit. They help out people who are getting screwed over and take down the big corporate bad guys and pocket the difference. That doesn’t sound like such a bad idea.

Jensen

 

~

 

Dear Cougar,

Today I got an email from a Swiss bank saying that you had an account there, and you left instructions that if there was no activity on your account within an 18 month period, then the entire balance should be transferred to me.

You know what? Fuck you, man. Fuck you and your money. I don’t fucking want it, and I’m not taking it.

Jensen

 

~

 

Dear Cougar,

I put half your money into a trust for Sarah. I figured you owed her that. I gave the rest to charity. Happy now?

Jensen

 

~

 

Dear Cougar,

Remember that time in the jungle when that guy threw a grenade at me, and you shot it out of the air?

Yeah, I still don’t know how you did that.

Jensen

 

~

 

Dear Cougar,

Today I got a job offer from my Russian friend. He has an associate who’s been expanding their business in directions my friend doesn’t like, but he can’t make a move against him himself without upsetting the family. You know how they are about family. I told him it was too big a job for just me, awesome as I am, and he suggested I put together a team. He even offered to make some references.

He’s a sneaky little bastard, but I know what he’s doing. He’s worried. He thinks I need to get back on the bike already. He might be right. He’s a good guy. He always really liked you.

We’re sleeping together. We have been, off and on, for years. It's nothing serious, just a friends with benefits type thing. But I always thought that it might have been more, if I wasn't always running off with you to get shot at, and if he didn't kinda scare me. Maybe you already knew that. You always knew everything before I was ready to tell you.

Jensen

 

~

 

Dear Cougar,

I dreamt about you guys last night. It was nothing, just us sitting around a table, bullshitting and playing cards. Even Roque was there, but he was like the Roque before Bolivia, the one who didn’t try to kill us all. I think I kept winning, but it was because you were cheating somehow, letting me win.

Then I woke up, and that part sucked.

Jensen

 

~

 

Dear Cougar,

I still have that gun you gave me. The little one. Remember? You said it was an extra, and you told me to put it in my computer bag. It’s still there. I had forgotten all about it. Good thing I don’t fly commercial much these days.

Jensen

 

~

 

Dear Cougar,

I ran into my old hacker friend. The one who’s playing Robin Hood. Turns out one of the guys he’s working with now knew you back in the day. He said you took a shot at him once, and I said that you must have been aiming to miss, since he was still walking around. We had a good laugh, and then he asked where you were now. I told him you were dead.

Shit.

Jensen

 

~

 

Dear Cougar,

Sarah’s team just missed the playoffs this year. I went to their last game. Afterwards, I took Sarah out for pizza, and she asked if I still missed you. I told her I did, and she said that I couldn’t miss you forever.

She’s wrong. I can. But maybe that’s okay.

Jensen

 

~

 

Dear Cougar,

I’m in Mexico. Decided it was time. I’m sitting on the beach at night, drinking a beer. It’s nice. I think maybe I’ll stay for a while.

Wish you were here.

Jensen

 

The End

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, those are references to Alec Hardison and Eliot Spencer from Leverage. Because I think Jensen and Hardison would be the best of friends, and I love the idea of Eliot and Cougar facing off in the jungle somewhere.
> 
> Also, Jensen’s “Russian friend” is a character inspired by a line from the comic books but who does not appear in them. I’ve decided that he’s a modern day criminal version of Pavel Andreievich Chekov. (I have the bones of a related story, but don’t know if it will ever get fleshed out enough to share.)


End file.
